Last night was the longest night i've ever had. I dunno why but insects (gamo-gamo i think) kept me awake- they kept buzzing and flying around the lights. So we opt to turn off the lights. Then it rained. The rain and the wind were strong. At long last. I can smell the end of summer. Yeah! Indeed, It was the last day of April. One more month to go and I'm out of this house.
          As I lay myself awake, I found a drive to write. I dunno from where did the drive come from. All I know is that I need to write. Thank you rain. You're the only thing in this world that can make me realize things from nowhere.

-Pablo Juan

Bakit ganun? Pag kapatid ko yung humihingi ng something sa mga magulang ko, tententenen! Anjan agad... kung may delay man, nakukuha parin niya.
Bakit pag ako? Ilang taon pa bago ko makuha yung hinihingi ko??? Minsan pa nga di ko na talaga nakuha.

You know what's really depressing?
It's when you know your brother will have his great summer and you, stuck in this freakin' house to help in whatever things that needed help.

Let's say I'm jealous. I really am. I know and you know that my family is poor, but not as poor as a rat. So I needed my bones and flesh to dwell in perspiration. I need to help my mom in our business and not just sit here, relax my ass as I type this bad shot I got.

AKO! AKO! LAGI NALANG AKO... laging inuutusan, laging pinapagalitan.
The first time i had a girlfriend, pinagalitan ako. I was 3rd year then.
My brother, he had his first when he's in 2nd year. I'm older. I know. So every eyes are upon me.
Family first. No girls. No love life. I know it's not related but this do always hit me in my cerebrum.

Pag sinagot ko sila ng, "AKO NA NAMAN!!! Hindi ba pwedeng utusan yung isa jan????"
Ito ang laging isasagot ni mama, "NAGBIBILANG KA NA NAMAN NG MGA GAWAIN? Tignan mo nga ako buong araw at gabi akong kumakayod para may pera tayo.. blah blah blah..."

my point is, kaya antamad tamad ng kapatid ko ay dahil sa ginagawa nila... lagi nilang kinukunsinte ang kapatid ko... lahat ng luho nasakanya...

Three nights past... masaya kong sinabe kay mama na may reunion kame ng HS Friends ko...... so i was trying to ask her if she can give me back MY money... she borrowed ALL of my money just as before the term ends... then and there, nagalit siya. Telling me na wala daw siyang pera... then enrollment ko pa daw.... may utang pa daw siya... blah blah blah... OKEY FINE! Naiintindihan ko! Di niya mabigay pera ko kase wala siyang pera.

yun, kanina... bigla ba naman akong sigawan na wag na daw akong sumama sa reunion for no good reason.... hindi maganda ang gising ko... i was having bad dreams since last week. I have no proper and sound sleep. then, a super BV will give me a headstart... FINE! WAG SUMAMA. IS THAT A PROBLEM? There's always next time...

but, that's not the climax of the story...

It pained me a lot knowing that my brother will a have a trip to Baguio.. huh.... now tell me... what should I feel??????????????????????????????????????????????

Reader... I'm sorry for posting this... you must know by now then that this damn, awful blogsite is my only way to channel my depressions, feeling, hatred in this world....

When I'm in this house, I have nothing but this desktop and keyboard to share my emotions with.

I'm still hoping for a change... T.T

-Pablo Juan
Eiffel Tower. Paris, France. February 14, 2024.
    Last night, I had this strange dream. My girl and I were at the top of Eiffel tower. The wind bashes its coldness but the warmth of our love made us burning.
    I think the scene that had happened was a scene when and where I should be proposing. Yeah, I had a ring hidden in my pocket there - a sapphire ring. As I started the proposal, the settings changed.
    Holding the ring, looking up the tower. Then I woke up. Indeed, that girl is hard to be with, even in my weirdest dreams...

-Pablo Juan
Author's Note: I did not write this to enrage my readers. I'm writing this not because I am in deep sense of my emotions but because I just wanted to share, not my emotions but the wisdom hidden in this crap.

FACT: The current sex ratio of men to women in the Philippines is 2.8 : 3.0 (all ages combined).

Q: So what does this freaking figures mean???
I may not have the authority to explain those figures but based from what I can see, I can (of course you might as well say) say that there were more women than that of men.

Q: What now?

Let's just simply talk about boy-girl relationships.

    Sa totoo lang, mas malapit ako sa mga babae kesa sa mga lalaki. Sobrang dami kong kaibigang babae. Mas madali kong nakakasundo ang mga babae kesa sa mga lalaki. (OH OH OH...DISCLAIMER: TIGILAN ANG PAG-IISIP NA AKO'Y BADING. HINDI PO. ) >.<
    So ganito yun... sabi nga sa taas, mas marami ang babae kaysa sa mga lalaki (hindi pa kasama jan ang mga kabilang sa 3rd, 4th, o kung ilan pa mang sexes). At dahil jan, one-on-one-boy-girl relation ay parang hindi NA DAW sapat sa ating panahon.

Let me talk to two-timers:
    F*ck you dude! Wag na wag mong sasabihin sakin na mas marami ang babae kaysa sa mga lalaki para mag-two-time ka! MAS LALONG WAG NA WAG MONG IRARASON SAKIN NA PUPUNAN MO ANG PANGANGAILANGAN NG DALAWA O HIGIT PANG MGA BABAE!!! LECHEPLAN... kung inaatake ka ng kakatihan mo, wag sa ibang babae... sa syota mo na lang...
    Isa pa...   WAG NA WAG MO RING IRARASON SAKIN NA HINDI NAMAN MALALAMAN NG GIRLFRIEND MO NA MAY ISA KA PANG GIRLFRIEND... Ano feeling mo??? Hyper gwapo??? (**DISCLAIMER ULET: Hindi ako bitter dahil single pa ako. Kung babatikusin mo ang pagiging single ko, pag-isipan mo.) Tulad ng sabi ko sa taas, mas malapit ako sa mga babae. Kaya kung may hinanakit sila sa mga bf nila, bilang kaibigan, mahirap para sakin.
    Being involved in a relationship means being involved in a battery of tests. Tests where the strength and bond of trust and love are put into trials... with time, and with people around, who may strengthen, or destroy the relation. Now, in the case of the two-timers, saying all of those given above means one is in great danger of stupidity, lack of reasoning and values.
    RESPECT IS THE TERM HERE, DUDE.  Respect. If you know how to respect your girl, then you might as well know how to respect yourself. Keep your head in check, you might be suffering from hydrocephalus.

    I love my friends, most specially the girls. So I'm doing everything to give best respect to them as that of the respect that I give my mom. It pains me whenever I hear them saying "my boy cheated on me" or "I'm his second choice". If you can't stop yourself from having two girls, then YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. It's not love when you say you are in two or more relations. REMEMBER THAT YOU DON'T NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO SAY YOU ARE IN LOVE.

-Pablo Juan.

Ito ang pangarap kong kainin kasama siya.. sa araw na mahalin niya ko..

    Ito yung bagay sa buong buhay ko na hindi ko makakalimutan. Ito kase yung bagay na pinangako ko sa taong una kong minahal... at hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa tinutupad kase alam kong hindi pa ngayon yung oras para tuparin yun.
    Hindi ko alam kung nahihibang na ako o sadyang hindi ko lang talaga makalimutan na siya yung babaeng sobrang mahal na mahal ko. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi mabait sakin ang tadhana. Kung mangyari mang hindi talaga namin makain ng sabay itong melon ice cream na ito... Tatanggapin ko nalang?? Ayoko magsalita ng tapos... mahirap na... mahirap na...
    Lahat ng mga pangako ko, hindi ko pinapako... Hindi ko pa man magawa sa ngayon, hinding hindi ko kinakalimutan. Pag ako nangako, isip at puso kong binibitawan ang salitang yun. Kaya sa iba na nagsasabing, "Mapapako lang yang pangakong yan"... malay mo hindi pa panahon para gawin ang pangakong nabitawan ng isang tao...
    Pagtitiwala at paghihintay lang ang kailangan.


-Pablo Juan
I may not know if this statement is true.
Maybe I'm just overgeneralizing.
But in my opinion, this is true.

Who on earth wouldn't want to be loved???

A man like me would always dream and wish this...
"all i ever wanted is to be loved."
Not that I / we do not feel being loved literally but what I'm saying is that all that I have dreamed is someone loving me...

to those who know,... they know the story why I'm still single... why I don't search for someone... for another girl... to those who don't, maybe it is better for you not to...

month of love is way back months over... but still, there's no exact time to talk about love, for love is always timeless..

To you who's reading this post at this very moment,...
maybe it is about time to say "i love you" to those important to you... for they might also need love...

but still... it is not the way you say it that matters, it is the content of the sentence.
Give importance to people around you... with all the disasters that is happening and will be happening, we'll never know...

maybe, you are the one that that person is waiting for... the one person that can fulfill a person's dream...

the dream of being loved.

-Pablo Juan

    "A little faith can do wonders... A little faith."
    -Bishop Aringarosa, The Da Vinci Code

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    Sa parteng ito, inaaasahan ko po ang inyong malawak na pang-unawa, bukas na pag-iisip at matatag na paninindigan. 

    Ang parteng ito ay sampu ng aking mga opinyon, tama man o mali, akin pong pinaninindigan. 

    Wala pa man ay humihingi na po ako ng kapatawaran. Matabil ang aking panulat, masakit ang aking salita. Kung masaktan man kita, oo, ikaw na mambabasa, nawa'y patawarin mo ang aking pagsubok na ipakita ang realidad ng buhay.


    Salamat sa pagbabasa, mabuhay ka, oh mambabasa!

    -Pablo Juan


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